Black and White
by Robin4
Summary: After Emma declares that Gideon is beyond saving, Belle and Rumplestiltskin have a talk about the "hero" view of a black and white world. Truths are shared, and decisions are made. Post-Ep for 6x16, "Mother's Little Helper".


_**Black and White**_

* * *

The words kept running through Belle's mind. _They only see the world in black and white._ Instinct had made her object to that statement about the town's heroes, made her say that they were _right_ to mistrust Gideon. Gideon had wrought so much destruction in just a few short days, trying to kill Emma, and then asking for her help only to betray her and try to kill her again. He was acting like the worst of villains, hurting people without a care in the world—but he was her son.

 _Their_ son.

"Do you really think that we can get through to him?" she whispered, so very aware of Rumplestiltskin's hand on her own. His touch was light, gentle. It was everything she needed and Belle wanted to cling to him, but she didn't dare let herself.

"Of course I do. I spent so many years reveling in the darkness, and yet you reached me time and again." His smile was crooked, but it made Belle's heart clench.

"Not when it mattered." She had to look away, remembering stopping Rumplestiltskin from killing Hook in the clock tower, forcing him out of town because she didn't know how else to stop him. _Because I didn't try anything else,_ she admitted to herself in silence. Yet Rumplestiltskin hadn't let her in, then. He hadn't been honest, not the way he was now, and that had led them straight do destruction.

"You approached it like a hero." Rumplestiltskin's shrug was minuscule, and he hesitated before continuing. "You looked at it, well…"

"In black and white." Belle finished the sentence for him with a sigh, saying what her husband didn't want to say. "I only thought of being a hero and stopping the villain, not of why you might be acting as you were."

"You did what you felt you had to." Amazingly, he squeezed her hand again—but then, Rumplestiltskin had always been quick to blame himself, hadn't he? "Yet the why matters. Miss Swan might want to believe that Gideon is beyond saving, but what she really means is that he doesn't want to be saved right now. Once we discover why, once we discover how to change his mind, I have no doubt that he can be saved."

 _Let me explain,_ Rumplestiltskin had begged at the town line. How much might be different if Belle had let him? Maybe they could have healed their hurts before the chasm between them grew too deep. Maybe they might not have hurt one another so deeply, or lost their son in the first place. There was no way to know. She couldn't change the past, but maybe she could change how she reacted in the future.

Belle swallowed hard. What Rumplestiltskin said made sense, and yet… "But Emma's the Savior. She would know if someone could be saved, wouldn't she?"

Rumplestiltskin snorted. "She might be the Savior, but Emma Swan does not have a monopoly on redemption. She's only the Savior because I put a drop of her parents' True Love on the Dark Curse. She's lived up to that, yes, but it doesn't make her an expert."

"I guess…I just thought that because she'd been the Dark One, she'd understand." Honestly, Belle had expected better out of Emma. She had thought that Emma would be able to understand a villain's viewpoint, and yet Emma really didn't, did she?

Snow certainly didn't, either. Belle would never be able to banish the words her _friend_ had said when Snow had called killing _her_ son a mother-daughter bonding opportunity. Just thinking of that gave her chills. Snow had sat with her after her ultrasound. Snow was a mother who had had her own child taken away. How could Snow _say_ that?

"I think she's tried to erase that time from her memory." Rumplestiltskin's laugh was bitter.

"She doesn't even care that you just saved her life." Belle couldn't understand that. Heroes were supposed to _help_ people, and to show gratitude when others helped them. Yet Emma's idea of saying thank you was threatening to kill their son.

"That's hardly a surprise. In her eyes, I'm a villain. Villains don't deserve thanks."

Now it was Belle who squeezed his hand. "I'm still proud of you."

"You…you are?" Rumplestiltskin's dark eyes were wide with surprise, and Belle smiled.

"I am."

"Thank you, Belle." His voice was a soft whisper that she could barely hear, but it made Belle's heart pitter patter excitedly. Then she bit her lip.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

It was her turn to hesitate, but while they were being honest, there was something Belle needed to know. So, she took a deep breath and took the plunge. "Why did you choose to become the Dark One again? Why not just be the good man you are without the darkness?"

His face went blank, and for a moment, Belle feared he wouldn't answer. But after several long moments of silence, Rumplestiltskin looked down at the floor and spoke quietly:

"I had nothing left to lose. You were gone, Bae was dead, and I was soon to be consigned to the Underworld for a second time. And…I did not know for sure if Emma would truly be able to kill Hook, or that the darkness would actually be destroyed if she did."

"And you wanted to be the Dark One again if it failed." Belle tried to focus on logic, not on the first thing Rumplestiltskin had said, not on how he had nothing left to lose. She _had_ left him alone, hadn't she? Belle had been so afraid of having her heart broken once again that she hadn't stopped to think that Rumplestiltskin had done everything she'd asked, had been brave without the darkness…and she'd left him, anyway.

She wasn't certain that she wouldn't have left a second time if faced with the same choice and the same situation, but she should have told him that she only needed time to get her head on straight, that she'd always love him and she _would_ come back. Would that have given him enough hope to be brave? Belle knew that Rumplestiltskin was responsible for his own choices, but she also knew that he hadn't been all right ever since Baelfire's death.

"I didn't _want_ to, but I knew I'd hardly take the opportunity to send everyone to the Underworld if I was."

"It's not really Killian's fault." Belle's defense of her friend came automatically. "He was—"

Rumplestiltskin cut her off with a snort. "Possessed by the darkness?"

"Oh. Yeah, that's a little ridiculous to say out loud, isn't it?" Belle found a wry smile crossing her face. "I suppose that if we're going to excuse everything Emma and Killian did while they were both the Dark One, we can't really hold it against you. It's not really a fair standard."

"I'm used to it."

The resignation in Rumplestiltskin's voice made Belle swallow hard. Today's events had given her a lot to think about, and not liking what that meant didn't mean Belle would be less honest with herself. "I've always seen the world in black and white, too, haven't I?"

"I haven't exactly helped by not being honest with you." Rumplestiltskin finally met her gaze again, and Belle saw no reproach in his dark eyes. But he wouldn't blame her, would he? He never did.

That didn't keep Belle from feeling guilty, though. That guilt, plus the thought of the abuse their boy had suffered to make him like this, crystallized a decision in her mind.

"I've always wanted to be a hero, but if being selfish and close-minded is what being a hero is, I don't want to be like that." Belle squared her shoulders. "I want to save our son, and if the Charmings don't think that's heroic, that's fine with me."

"Oh, Belle." The warmth in his gaze made her shiver in a surprisingly delightful way. "You've always been my hero."

"Not always." She wanted to drown in Rumple's smile, but Belle wouldn't take the easy way out. "I've made as many mistakes as you have. You didn't talk, but I didn't ask because I didn't want to know. And then I shut you out when you tried to tell a truth I didn't like. I'm sorry, Rumple. For everything."

Rumplestiltskin squeezed her hand. "I am, too." But after a moment, his sad smile was replaced by a crooked grin. "How about me make a deal? I won't keep secrets from you, if you don't keep secrets from me."

"I can do that." Belle felt a real smile growing on her face, and for the first time, she thought she felt hope.

Hope for them. Hope for their son. And hope for the future.

"So can I." Raising her hand to his lips, Rumplestiltskin planted a gentle kiss on its back. "Now, let's go find our son before the so-called Savior does."

"Yeah. Let's go."

They would take things slowly, putting Gideon first, but Belle was finally certain that they would come together in time. She was finished looking at the world in black and white; all that had brought her was heartbreak and pain. If she had to travel a gray path to save her son, that was what Belle would do. _Gideon_ was more important than what the heroes thought of her, and if they thought her son was beyond saving, that was just too bad.

She and her husband would prove them wrong.

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 _A/N: Thanks for reading! Do let me know what you think._


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